COUNSELLING IN BRIGHTON AND HOVE

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The Hidden Cost of Staying Silent in Your Relationship

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John Creigan

Illustration of a man and woman facing each other, smiling warmly. Between them flow colourful waves of orange, green, pink and yellow filled with small stars and dots, symbolising open communication and emotional connection. The background is a soft pink with a textured feel.
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“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

  • Brené Brown

Relationships are complex, and even the healthiest ones need care to keep them alive. But it’s not just the relationship that needs attention. You do too.

 

Have you ever found yourself hurt, frustrated or disappointed by something your partner said or did, but decided not to bring it up? Perhaps you thought, “It’s not worth it,” or “It’ll just cause an argument,” or even “It’s not that big a deal.”

 

Choosing silence can feel easier in the moment. It avoids tension, protects peace and keeps things seemingly stable. But those unspoken thoughts and feelings don’t disappear. They build up, like emotional background noise that hums beneath the surface. Over time, it can create distance, not only between you and your partner, but between you and yourself.

 

When we start to withdraw emotionally, it becomes harder to speak openly and honestly. You might find yourself feeling detached, or telling yourself things like “Maybe we’ve just grown apart,” or “We’re too different now.” But sometimes, the problem isn’t that love has faded, it’s that communication has.

 

It can feel easier to focus on what isn’t working in the relationship than to look at the ways we hold ourselves back – the things we avoid saying, the needs we suppress, the truths we struggle to share. Yet this avoidance can be one of the most powerful barriers to connection.

 

Open communication, vulnerability and trust are the foundations of a secure, fulfilling relationship. When you start expressing yourself honestly, even if it feels uncomfortable, you create the possibility of being seen and understood. You give your partner a chance to meet you where you really are.

 

And it’s never too late to start. Even if silence has become a habit, you still have a voice. Often, your partner wants to hear it more than you realise.

 

In counselling, I offer a space to explore what might be holding you back from expressing yourself. To understand your emotions, your needs and your patterns of relating. It’s not about assigning blame or simply fixing the relationship. It’s about rediscovering yourself, your voice and your capacity to connect with honesty and care.

 

Together, we can work towards helping you feel more confident, more open and more connected. Both to your partner and to yourself.

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